3 KEYS TO SUCCESSFUL ASSOCIATION WITH OTHERS
Muslimcreed – In associating with others, there are 3 keys that must always be held. With it, a person will be opened the doors of goodness. The first is restraint. Second, spread kindness. Third, a radiant face.
The first key is restraint. In sharia, it is termed kafful adza.
The point is not to disturb other people. Is it related to his property, his soul, or his honor. Who has not been able to restrain himself, so that other people are disturbed by him, or hurt, then he cannot be said to have good character.
In the past, during Hajj Wada’, when people from all corners of the Islamic world gathered in the Holy Land, the Prophet sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam gave a stern warning about the life, property, and honor of a Muslim that should not be disturbed. The Prophet sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam said at that time:
فَإِنَّ دِمَاءَكُمْ وَأَمْوَالَكُمْ وَأَعْرَاضَكُمْ بَيْنَكُمْ حَرَامٌ كَحُرْمَةِ يَوْمِكُمْ هَذَا فِي بَلَدِكُمْ هَذَا فِي شَهْرِكُمْ هَذَا
“Indeed, your blood, your wealth and your honor are pure and protected. Such is the holiness of your day in this country and in this month.” [H.R. AI Bukhari and Muslim from companions Abdullah bin Abbas radhiyallahu ‘anhuma].
Who disturbs a brother in his faith in his wealth; whether by stealing, betraying the trust, or deceiving him in buying and selling, and so on. Or in a physical form such as hitting and injuring him. Or related to self-esteem and good name; by gossiping, spitting, complaining, slandering, berating, then the person does not have good morals.
The sin of these actions also depends on who is the victim/target. The higher the position or the greater the rights of the person, the greater the sin that will be borne.
Hurting parents is certainly a bigger sin than hurting others. Annoying relatives is a greater sin than disturbing others. Backbiting a scholar from a cleric or the leader of his country, of course, is a bigger sin than gossiping about ordinary people. Doing evil to neighbors is not like evil to people who are far away.
Regarding neighbors, the Prophet sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam once reminded in a hadith:
“By Allah, do not believe By Allah, do not believe. By Allah, do not believe; They asked, “Who is it, O Messenger of Allah sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam?” The Prophet said, “That is someone who has bad character, so that his neighbor is not calm and feels safe from his disturbances.” [H.R. Al Bukhari from companion Abu Shuraykh radhiyallahu ‘anhu]
The second key is to spread kindness, which in the Shari’a language is called Badzlun Nada
It means being generous. Being generous should not be understood narrowly, only in the form of distributing money. But wider than that. A person donates his soul, can his strength, position and prestige, donates his time, donates his knowledge in the midst of the people through his tongue or his pen.
Included in this chapter is apologizing to people who do bad things, hurt, or take rights, or demean our good name even though we can repay them. The Prophet sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam once said:
اتَّقِ اللهَ حَيْثُمَا كُنْتَ وأَتْبِعِ السَّيِّئَةَ الْحَسَنَةَ تَمْحُهَا وخَالِقِ النَّاسَ بِخُلُقٍ حَسَنٍ
“And it is not the same between good and evil. Respond to evil with something better. If you do so, surely the person who was enemies will suddenly become a loving friend.” [Q.S. Fushshilat: 34].
Can you forgive every fault of the person who hurt you? What’s more, if your friend accidentally does it, of course it’s more appropriate to be forgiven, right?
However, the human heart is different. It is not just anyone who can do this. Only those who have patience and have a big soul. As Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala said in the next verse:
وَمَا يُلَقَّىٰهَآ إِلَّا ٱلَّذِينَ صَبَرُوا۟ وَمَا يُلَقَّىٰهَآ إِلَّا ذُو حَظٍّ عَظِيمٍ
“And it will not be able to act like that but people who are patient, and will not be able to act like that except he who has a big soul.” [Q.S. Fushshilat: 35].
But also remember, forgiveness to someone also sometimes needs careful consideration. Because not everyone who does something bad or wrong deserves to be forgiven. Let the one who forgives his brother’s mistakes have hope:
1. Get forgiveness from Allah and His mercy. Because in the verse it is stated that whoever forgives and does ishlah, then the reward is with Allah.
2. Maintain a relationship and love with his brother who has done something bad to him. Ugliness, if repaid with ugliness, it will be difficult to solve the problem. On the other hand, if ugliness is faced with goodness, then people who do bad are expected to be aware and repay with kindness as well.
It’s a different case if people who do bad things are known to do bad things. So, that doesn’t deserve to be forgiven. Because, it is feared that injustice will get worse.
Our scholars note that mistakes and injustice can be forgiven if by giving forgiveness there will be a better impact. That is what is called ishlah. And this has also been mentioned in the verse.
وَجَزَٰٓؤُا۟ سَيِّئَةٍ سَيِّئَةٌ مِّثْلُهَا ۖ فَمَنْ عَفَا وَأَصْلَحَ فَأَجْرُهُۥ عَلَى ٱللَّهِ
“And the recompense of evil is something worthy. So whoever forgives and does ishlah, his reward is from Allah.” [Q.S. Ash Shura’: 40].
Ishlah (acting with something that has a positive effect) is obligatory. While forgiving, its nature is the main thing (sunnah). It means ‘if apologizing actually causes a bad impact, then what must be done is to retaliate. Let’s not do what is sunnah, while what is obligatory does not come true.
The third key in getting along with others is trying to look good
Showing a radiant face when we meet our brothers. The Prophet sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam said:
لَا تَحْقِرَنَّ مِنْ الْمَعْرُوفِ شَيْئًا وَلَوْ أَنْ تَلْقَى أَخَاكَ بِوَجْهٍ طَلْقٍ
“Do not underestimate the ma’ruf matter, even if it is only in the form of a sweet face when you meet your brother.” [H.R. Muslim from the companions of Abu Dharr radhiyallahu ‘anhu].
It was narrated from Ibn Abbas radhiyallahu ‘anhu that at one time he was asked about al-birr or goodness. So his answer, al-birr is a friendly face and a crisp mouth.
Readers, if we are sweet-faced when we meet each other, it will give a good impression. Automatically, we have infiltrated a sense of joy and pleasure in the hearts of our friends. Love will be born, the soul will feel spacious.
However, if our faces are sullen and wrinkled when we meet our relatives, there is no wide smile, nor happy words, then usually humans will stay away from us.
If humans are away from us, we ourselves are the losers. The world feels cramped, the soul becomes depressed. If this is not immediately changed, it is feared that it will lead to depression.
Doctors have given efficacious prescriptions for those afflicted with this disease. Among their suggestions; leave the things that can make him more depressed. Try to have an open heart. A radiant face will reduce the high risk of this disease. He will become a loved one among people. It is hoped that the disease will be cured. bi idznillah ta’ala.