There are several ethics that have been taught by Islam when a husband and wife want to channel their sexual desire. Here are the etiquette when sexual intercourse, make love or have sex in bed:

1- Sincerely intend to seek reward

Namely making love is intended to protect oneself from adultery (cheating), produce offspring, and hope for a reward as a form of alms.

From Abu Dharrradhiyallahu ‘anhu, he said, Rasulullahsallallaahu ‘alaihiwasallam said,

وَفِى بُضْعِ أَحَدِكُمْ صَدَقَةٌ

“In the intimate relationship between husband and wife (between you) it includes alms.”

The friends responded, “Why is it that sex alone can be worth the reward?”

The Prophet sallallaahu ‘alaihiwasallam replied,

أَيَأْتِى أَحَدُنَا شَهْوَتَهُ وَيَكُونُ لَهُ فِيهَا أَجْرٌ قَالَ أَرَأَيْتُمْ لَوْ وَضَعَهَا فِى حَرَامٍ أَكَانَ عَلَيْهِ فِيهَا وِزْرٌ فَكَذَلِكَ إِذَا وَضَعَهَا فِى الْحَلاَلِ كَانَ لَهُ أَجْرٌ

“Do you know that if a person fulfills his lust for the forbidden, he is a sinner. Likewise, if he fulfills his lust for what is lawful, he will get a reward.” (HR. Muslim, no. 2376)

2- Warm up and fondle first

This is the reason why the Prophet sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam recommended marrying a virgin woman because it is still possible to make out with her before making love.

When Jabir radhiyallahu ‘anhu married, the Prophet sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam asked him,

« هَلْ تَزَوَّجْتَ بِكْرًا أَمْ ثَيِّبًا. فَقُلْتُ تَزَوَّجْتُ ثَيِّبًا . فَقَالَ هَلاَّ تَزَوَّجْتَ بِكْرًا تُلاَعِبُهَا وَتُلاَعِبُكَ

“Are you marrying a (virgin) girl or a widow?” “I married a widow,” replied Jabir. “Why don’t you just marry a girl because you can make out with her and vice versa she can make out passionately with you?” (Narrated by Bukhari, no. 2967; Muslim, no. 715).

3- Reading prayers before intercourse

Prayers that are recommended to be read are: Bismillah, allahumma jannibnaasy syaithoona wa jannibisy syaithoona maa rozaqtanaa.

From Ibn ‘Abbas radhiyallahu ‘anhuma, he said that the Prophet sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam said,

لَوْ أَنَّ أَحَدَكُمْ إِذَا أَرَادَ أَنْ يَأْتِىَ أَهْلَهُ فَقَالَ بِاسْمِ اللَّهِ ، اللَّهُمَّ جَنِّبْنَا الشَّيْطَانَ ، وَجَنِّبِ الشَّيْطَانَ مَا رَزَقْتَنَا . فَإِنَّهُ إِنْ يُقَدَّرْ بَيْنَهُمَا وَلَدٌ فِى ذَلِكَ لَمْ يَضُرُّهُ شَيْطَانٌ أَبَدًا

“If one of you (i.e. husband) wants to have sex with his wife, then he reads the prayer: [Bismillah Allahumma jannibnaasy syaithoona wa jannibisy syaithoona maa rozaqtanaa], “By (mentioning) the name of Allah, O Allah, keep us away from (disturbing) ) Satan and keep the devil away from the sustenance that You have bestowed upon us”, then if Allah predestined (the birth of) a child from that intimate relationship, then Satan would not be able to harm the child forever.” (Narrated by Bukhari, no. 6388; Muslim, no. 1434).

4- Fuck your wife from any direction as long as it’s not in the anus

Allah Ta’ala says,

نِسَاؤُكُمْ حَرْثٌ لَكُمْ فَأْتُوا حَرْثَكُمْ أَنَّى شِئْتُمْ

“Your wives are (like) the land where you grow crops, so come to the land where you grow crops however you wish.” (Surat al-Baqarah: 223)

Imam Nawawi rahimahullah said, “The name of the field (place to grow crops) in women is in the genitals, which is the place for sperm to germinate to get offspring. This is the argument that it is permissible to have intercourse with a wife on her genitals, it’s up to you from the front, back or the wife is turned around.” (Syarh Sahih Muslim, 10:6)

From Jabir bin ‘Abdillah radhiyallahu ‘anhu, he said,

كَانَتِ الْيَهُودُ تَقُولُ إِذَا جَامَعَهَا مِنْ وَرَائِهَا جَاءَ الْوَلَدُ أَحْوَلَ

“In the past, the Jews said that if you had sexual intercourse with your wife from behind, the eyes of the child who would be born could squint.” Then the word of Allah the Exalted came down,

نِسَاؤُكُمْ حَرْثٌ لَكُمْ فَأْتُوا حَرْثَكُمْ أَنَّى شِئْتُمْ

“Your wives are (like) the land where you grow crops, so come to the land where you grow crops however you wish.” (Surat al-Baqarah: 223) (Narrated by Bukhari, no. 4528; Muslim, no. 117)

In another narration it is stated,

مُقْبِلَةً وَمُدْبِرَةً مَا كَانَ فِي الفَرْجِ

“It’s up to you from the front or the back as long as it’s in the genitals.” (HR. Ath-Thohawi, 3: 41 in Syarh Ma’an Al-Atsar with a valid sanad)

The hadith above shows that the Prophet sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam refuted the mistaken assumption of the Jews who stated that it was forbidden to have sex from behind because it could cause the child to be born to squint. That assumption is not true because Islam justifies all variations or methods of sexual intercourse while in the genitals.

Regarding the letter of Al-Baqarah verse 223 above, Ibn Kathir stated that intercourse with your wife in his field, namely in a place that will produce children. He also said that it is up to the style from the front or from behind as long as it is in one hole, namely the genitals, then it is permissible. (Tafsir of the Qur’an Al-‘Azhim, 2: 154)

5- It is not permissible to have intercourse with the wife in the anus, whatever the circumstances

 The hadith that underlies the prohibition of intercourse through the anus (anal sex) is the words of the Prophet sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam from the friend of Abu Hurairah radhiyallahu ‘anhu,

مَلْعُونٌ مَنْ أَتَى امْرَأَةً فِى دُبُرِهَا

“Truly cursed is the man who fucks his wife in the rectum.” (HR. Ahmad, 2: 479. Shaykh Shu’aib Al-Arnauth said that the hadith is hasan)

In another hadith mentioned from Abu Hurairah radhiyallahu ‘anhu, the Prophet sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam said,

مَنْ أَتَى حَائِضًا أَوِ امْرَأَةً فِى دُبُرِهَا أَوْ كَاهِنًا فَقَدْ كَفَرَ بِمَا أُنْزِلَ عَلَى مُحَمَّدٍ -صلى الله عليه وسلم-

“Whoever has intercourse with a menstruating woman or has intercourse with a woman in her anus, then he has disbelieved in what was revealed to Muhammad – sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam-.” (Narrated by Tirmidhi, no. 135; Ibn Majah, no. 639; Abu Daud, no. 3904. Al-Hafizh Abu Tahir said that this hadith is hasan)

-to be continued, God willing-

Read more : Marriage In Islam

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