The Patient Story of a Ulama
Muslimcreed – Dynamics in a household is natural. Sometimes, even small events that cause misunderstandings between partners can cause household tensions. However, if it later manifests in an act of domestic violence, then that certainly cannot be justified. Domestic violence is a despicable behavior that does not reflect a Muslim.
In marriage, especially how to treat a wife, Allah says in the Qur’an:
وَعَاشِرُوْهُنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوْفِ ۚ فَاِنْ كَرِهْتُمُوْهُنَّ فَعَسٰٓى اَنْ تَكْرَهُوْا شَيْـًٔا وَّيَجْعَلَ اللّٰهُ فِيْهِ خَيْرًا كَثِيْرًا
“Associate with them in a proper way. If you don’t like them, (be patient) because maybe you don’t like something, even though Allah has made a lot of good in it.”
When commenting on QS. Al-Nisa verse 19 above, al-Qurtubi describes that if a husband does not like his wife because of her bad temper – which is very likely to be the cause of emotional arousal – then the husband’s attitude should be patient. Then al-Qurtubi quoted a hadith of the Prophet narrated by Abu Hurairah:
لا يفرك مؤمنٌ مؤمنةً إن كره منها خلقا رضي منها اخر
“Let not a believer (husband) scold a believer (wife). If you hate one attitude from him, then like his other (good) attitude.”
“The meaning of the above hadith is that a husband should not scold his wife with overwhelming emotions, which makes him separate from his wife. This is not appropriate.
On the other hand, the husband should forgive his wife’s mistakes and ignore them, seeing the many good things she has done. ”
This was stated by al-Qurtubi when he commented on the hadith.
From this hadith, it can be seen that there is no perfect partner. Rasulullah SAW taught that we don’t look at our partner from one side only, but need to pay attention from the other side which of course has a lot of goodness.
The above hadith also strengthens Q.S. al-Nisa verse 19 earlier, that maybe what we don’t like, Allah puts a lot of goodness there. Although the editorial text above is aimed at men, the truth also applies to women. Because in the concept of marriage, Islam basically upholds the principle of equality (al-Musawah).
Furthermore, al-Qurtubi narrates a story that comes from Ibn al-‘Arabiy (later from Abu al-Qasim bin Hubaib, and from Abu al-Qasim al-Sayuri, culminating from Abu Bakr bin Abdirrahaman).
Read also : Story abdul mallik qasim
The story of Abu Muhammad bin Abu Zaid
The story is, there is a pious Shaykh named Abu Muhammad bin Abu Zaid. Even so, this Shaykh has a pretty bad relationship with his wife. In fact, the wife often did not fulfill her husband’s rights and often hurt her husband’s feelings with her words.
So, one day someone questioned the relationship, “O Shaykh, why are you so patient with your wife’s bad treatment?”
The Shaykh replied, “I am a man who has been given the perfection of blessings by Allah in the form of physical health, makrifat to Allah, and the existence of a wife. Therefore, maybe his treatment of me is a recompense for my sins so far. If I divorce her, I am afraid that the revenge that will befall me will be much worse and terrible than the attitude of my wife that I have felt so far.”
The things above, by the majority of scholars, are then used as an argument for hating divorce even though it is permissible. The Prophet Muhammad himself also emphasized that Allah does not hate a thing that is permissible, except divorce and eating. Because God hates the human gut when it is filled.
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