The story of the companions of the Prophet who married his daughter to an ordinary person rather than the rich
Muslimcreed – One day, Uwaimir bin Malik al-Khazraji, also known as Abu Darda, had an envoy from Mu’awiyah bin Abi Sufyan. The purpose of the envoy was to convey the message that it was Mu’awiyah who wanted to propose to Abu Darda’s daughter to be the wife of Yazid bin Mu’awiyah.
Yazid bin Mu’awiyah himself was the son of Mu’awiyah bin Abi Sufyan, the founder of the Umayyad dynasty. And, Yazid himself is the heir to the throne of his father, becoming caliph at the age of 34 years. He was the second caliph of the Umayyad dynasty.
As a son of the king, Yazid was born and raised in a palace full of luxury. Understandably, before becoming the first caliph of the Umayyad dynasty, Mua’wiyah was a governor of Sham (Syria). Muawiyah was also a friend of the Prophet Muhammad SAW who had abundant wealth, and the half-brother of Umm Habibah who was the wife of the Prophet Muhammad.
In contrast, Abu Darda himself was one of the companions of the Prophet SAW who was known to be very zuhud in his life. In fact, he was willing to leave a life of luxury because it was judged that he would neglect it from Allah SWT.
As explained by IbnulJauzi in his book ‘Uyun al-Hikayat, that the proposal from Yazid bin Mua’wiyah for Abu Darda’s daughter turned out to be rejected by her father. Then one of Yazid’s seatmates said to him, “May Allah fix you! Will you allow me to marry her?”
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Hearing his friend say that, Yazid bin Muawiyah replied, “Get out of here! woe to you!”
Then Yazid bin Muawiyah’s seatmate again said, “Allow it! May Allah fix you.” Finally, Yazid replied “yes, I allow it.”
That person then met Abu Darda and proposed to his daughter. And Abu Darda finally married his daughter to that person. An ordinary person, not the son of an official and not rich.
Not long after, the news that Abu Darda chose to marry off his daughter to an ordinary person and refused to marry Muawiyah bin Abi Sufyan who was rich and chose to have a son-in-law who was not rich was widespread in the community.
The news that Abu Darda refused Yazid bin Muawiyah’s proposal to marry his daughter, which was widely spread, made many people surprised. Until finally someone came to Abu Darda and asked about his decision.
Abu Darda who got the question then replied, “I only choose the best for Darda.” The person who asked the question said, “how?”
Abu Darda then replied, “what do you imagine if Darda married him. When Darda stood where in front of him were many servants serving him. Being in a palace where every eye feels like getting pleasure from it? If she marries such a person, what about her religion?”
What Abu Darda did was a form of parental concern for their child, if it was proposed by a rich person who could make the child neglect his religion. Moreover, Muawiyah bin Abi Sufyan has historically been known as a controversial figure, including in appointing his son to continue his throne.
Therefore, Abu Darda prefers to refuse his proposal. Because wealth and wealth can indeed make people get what they want, but wealth also often makes people forget their God and ignore each other. This is what makes Abu Darda who is an expert in wisdom prefers to marry his daughter to an ordinary young man, but has good morals and religion compared to a prospective son-in-law who is full of wealth, who may be able to neglect Darda from his religion. Especially with people who have lived with the luxury of their family since childhood.
It could be, with abundant wealth, it is easy for someone to lose respect for fellow human beings, even for their spouse and relatives. However, property is something that is mortal. He can disappear at any time, as said by Zainuddin al-Malibari in FathulMu’in;
أن المال زائل ولا يفتخر به أهل المروأت والبصائر
Meaning: that wealth is like a shadow that can be lost (mortal). So that muru’ah experts and wise people are never proud of wealth.
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So that when the wealth in the form of property suddenly disappears while undergoing a household, it has the potential to give birth to feelings of disappointment because it does not match the previously desired expectations. Therefore, the Prophet Muhammad SAW advised his followers who want to get married, so that in choosing a partner the most important thing to consider is a good religion (morals).
May we all be given a partner who can lead us to the pleasure of Allah Ta’ala… amiiiinn